Thoughts on everything

so this is the generals blog, and tonight we have a guest host, the one the only jim so from here on out it is all professor hotsauce speak. okay so i've been thinkin a lot about the lions lately, they decided to revamp their secondary in the recent weeks. they signed dwight smith whcih may or may not be a good idea\. however it may justwork out because he will be introcuced to the tampa cover 2, however he is kind of a head case and tends to resort to bad desicions. but other than that lions are destined to be be a dynasty for the next decade and a half. Calvin Johnson is the next great receiver, the only concern of the lions is their defense. i fully belief that aqib tahilb kwali is going to be drafted at the 17th pick. he is a very good d-back and is great for the lions. but more importantly the vikes should pick up bernard berrian he would be a solid number two reciever. it would give our team a lot more respectablitly than it currently has. ap will carrry the team however it would be nice to have a passing game. and the deep threat of berrian would create an essential second optio0n to ap. the madieuu williams signing will be good for the vikes due to the fact that he tends to be a coverage corner. i normally like a strong saftery who can light someone up like sean taylor. but the situation tha the vikes are in leads makes the madieu signing that much better because the vikes need some serious coverage help. though in about two years i don't expect pat williams to be much of a factor because he is getting old. so at that point we may need a strong sfety who hits people, so in two years this may might not be a great signing. but there are other things int he world then sports and the amazing t-wolves, which i'm not even going to get into because that could take up a whole three thousand words itself, though it might be included in the end of this post, if i last that long. but moving on to more important things, the election in 2008 is turning into a ridiculous event. the democrats are tearing themselves apart when they are in an election that they can't possibly seem to lose. but with this internal conflict they are finding a way to lose democratic support. keep in mind i am in no way a democrat, but i have a hard time voting for mccain when he is probably more liberal than hillary. my executive decision is that if i had to choose i would love to listen to barack speeches for the next four years. he is an amazing speaker and i wouldn't wish anything else. the president really doesn't do anything too important, the house and senate pass most laws so as long as the president is awesome to listen that is all that matters. the decisions that he actually makes is irrelevant so vote for barack in 08. while i hope that most people will vote for barack making him the president for the next four years i will be writing in mitt romney for president. i agreee that the whole mormon thing that he has going on is kinda scary but he has some legitimate experience in big buisness and doing some good things for massachusetts. he is quite possibly the greatest possible person for president. my only hope is that the democrats will screw up the presidency in the next four years and romney will come in to save the day at that point. here's to hoping. now i'm going to venture off of from serious topics and try to make this entertaining, okay maybe only entertaining if you are an avid sports fan. let us get back to the most crucial topic of all, the minnesota timberwolves. they are making some serious progress though i think the only true starter on the team is al jefferson, every other player is only a role player and an amazing sixth man. bassy is an amazing point guard that will lead this team into the future, that is if we don't draft derrick rose, i would hope that bassy would accept a slightly limited role in that situation because he is an intergreal part of this team. the general consensus is that the wolves will draft roy hibbert, of course this consensus is between me and my friends, only slightly though. if they draft hibbert that is a questionable move that i don't really support. they need to keep gomes and most of the players that they currently have and add through the draft with rose or michael beasley, after that they are destined for a 'ship. i think i don't have a while lot more to say at this point. most of this is very very very incoherent and i accept that fact but don't judge me or the original author of this blog based on this blog. he does not necessarily agree with the content of this post and frankly i'm not sure if i do either. also don't judge all republicans based on the outlines labeled above, what i write about is mainly my view and probably not even close to what republicans actually think, so on that note i bid you adieu, not because i want to go but because i have already written a whole shit ton and maybe i will make future appearence, from the great vault of professor hotsauce, peace out

Thoughts on Lines

Lines can come in many different shapes and forms. Some are to separate what is appropriate from what isn't. Some are to to define boundaries. Some are to create shapes. Others are just marks. I have some feelings on lines, and I have favorite types of lines, and some that I'm not a fan of...without further adieu:

Favorite Lines:
Diagonal Lines- Hands down my favorite. Diagonal lines represent cutting corners, which has kind of become my mantra for college. Why go the extra two directions when you can skip that and just make one move.
3 Point Lines- Going back to my basketball days for this one. That was where I made my living. 3 is better than 2. Enough said.
Lines In The Sand/Dirt- Is there anything more badass then challenging someone by drawing a line in the sand/dirt.
Dotted Lines- They aren't technically a line, but that's some of the excitement. You can obey them, or if you don't want to you don't have to. They are the most laid back of all lines.
Equator- The hottest of all lines.

Least Favorite Lines:
Blue Line- Hockey is boring as hell to watch and the blue line is the culprit. Nothing slows down a game quite like an offside whistle.
Roller Coaster Lines- Roller coasters are sweet and the line is one thing keeping me away.
"The Line"- This refers to crossing the "line". Censorship is a bitch.
Cocaine lines- Drugs are bad.
Squiggly lines- Are you straight, are you curved, do you have a point. Make up your mind squiggly lines.

Honorable Mention (good): Lines of demarcation, Line dances, Offensive lines, Pickup lines, Foul lines (since they are actually in fair territory).

Honorable Mention (bad): Defensive lines, Line judges (Johnny Mac was right about them), Arcs (just finish the job and become a circle.

Thoughts on movies and TV (and some on the Oscars)

Movies are a tricky subject. Everybody has different tastes and in general, people are very passionate about the movies close to their heart. I am not one of those people. I have been known to ask my parents to turn off The Great Escape so I can watch the next episode of The Surreal Life. Maybe it is my lack of patience when it comes to entertainment but I like to know the plot, problem, and solution in the span of 30 minutes. Also, movies have to be watched from the beginning. For example, I walked in 20 minutes after my brother started watching 3:10 To Yuma and I joined him. There was some sweet action and dialogue happening, but I had no idea why. Russell Crowe and Christian Bale seemed to be getting along so well, I didn't know where the conflict was. That's why I'm more of a TV guy, or a comedy movie guy. You need very little background information to watch a movie like Grandma's Boy, or How High (oddly enough one of my favorite movies, its absolutely hilarious). You need even less background to watch TV. Its cheap entertainment at its best. The Office is 30 minutes of gold every thursday, and Entourage is even better. I was a mess the whole time during the writer's strike and my life reflected it. Ok I'm kidding about that, but it seriously sucked. Luckily for me those strikers are back to work and my entertainment world is back to normal.
* Watching the Oscars tonight I realized that this is the only award show that matters. People remember academy award winners and their careers reflect it. However, that doesn't change the fact it is the lamest 4 hours on TV. Honestly, how bored can I get.

Thoughts on Giraffes

Love em. Absolutely love giraffes. What's there not to love? First, they are incredibly tall. Second their spots are sharp as hell, if only my clothes were that smoking hot. Third, they are adorable. These are just the reasons on the surface that giraffes kick ass. The main reason I think giraffes are awesome is because of how they beat the hell out of other giraffes in order to get laid. That's what those necks are for. The stronger the neck, the more likely to get laid. If you watch a video of it (you can probably find a youtube video of it), you won't believe the battles these animals go through just so they aren't alone in their bed that night. It is the definition of committment. If some people were more like these animals, loneliness wouldn't be an issue.

Most Unstoppable Video Game Athletes

5. Baron Davis- I'm going out on a limb here, but in NBA Live 2005 he was unreal. He had the ability to knock down 3-pointer after 3-pointer, and if you went out to guard him he would burst past your defender and throw it down in your face. My brother will vouch for B. Davis in that game until the day he dies.
4. LaDanian Tomlinson- This goes for any Madden game after his rookie year, and especially the 2007 and 2008 versions of the game. No matter who you are playing you can expect one big gamebreaking run from LT every game you play. Also, unless you have a linebacker like Shawn Merriman on your team, you're going to need about 4 guys to bring him down at any time or else he will break the tackles for a 7 yard gain. The only problem is that Merriman plays on the same team as LT.
3. Sergei Federov- Anybody who played any of the NHL games for Sega Genesis knows what I'm talking about. He was a 99 rating in almost every aspect that mattered (speed, shot power, shot accuracy...). In any 82 game season you play, whether its NHL 94, 95, 0r 96, expect atleast 200 goals from Federov.
2. Michael Vick- How are you supposed to play defense when the fastest player on the field is the QB. It is impossible to catch Vick (unless you are a District Attorney...Zing!!) from behind or from the side. If you just decide to run every play with Vick you can expect 10 yards a pop. His only weakness, since they gave him a wicked arm, is he occasionally fumbles. If you have the guts to go out of bounds on each run he can't be stopped.
1. Bo Jackson- Tecmo Bowl is hands down the greatest sports game of all time, and Video Bo is hands down the best video game athlete of all time. Bo decides when he goes down in that game, and that choice rarely comes up. If you just run back and forth nobody on the field can catch him, also, he is the only player in the game who routinely breaks tackles. His combination of strength and speed makes him the greatest video player of all time. If you want to see Video Bo in action, you can find his prowess on YouTube.

Honorable Mention: Speed Category- Randy Moss (Madden), Michael Bennett (Madden), Steve Nash (NBA Live), Pavel Bure (NHL 96)
Honorable Mention: Hero Category (despite not having dominant video game characteristics, they are still near impossible to stop)- Sidney Crosby (NHL 08), Jerry Rice (Tecmo Bowl, NFL Quarterback Club), Kobe Bryant (NBA Live), Mario Lemieux (NHL 94-96), Troy Polamalu (Madden 2007), Walter Payton (Tecmo Bowl).

* My results may be tainted due to the fact that baseball games are lame

Thoughts on February

What is the point of February? Very little good comes from the month besides the NBA returning to Sunday afternoon TV and Reese's Peanut Butter hearts. I mean, we are right in the middle of suicide alley (the time between January 1 and March 21), where we get no sunlight and the weather varies more than Matthew Perry's weight circa FRIENDS seasons 4-7. Looking outside in the morning is just depressing. Snow fall ruins tennis shoes and blue jeans. There are no legitimate holidays (by legitimate I mean days off from school). February is kind of like a really bad opening act at a concert that you just try to will, or drink, your way through to get to the main event, which in this case is March. March is hands down the Cadillac of the calendar. Besides the occasional heavy snowfall, March is where the weather is heating up, spring break is within its confines, and it is the beginning of the home stretch towards the end of the school year. Also, spring training starts in March and with that, grand expectations fill my little head. You won't see me frowning in March. The only thing that almost redeems February from being the worst thing in the world is the fact that it is only 28 days. However, this year we have to but up with this asshole of a month for one more day (damn you leap year).

Things I'd Like To Do Before I Die

After having a dream about accidentally killing an elementary school student (it was a fluke, batting practice gone awry), I realized that life is short. Therefore I decided I needed to think of some things I'd like to do before I die. So here are a few of them, in no particular order.

Death List:
1. Give a piggy back ride to a paraplegic- I think it would be a sign of goodwill to be the legs for someone who can't use theirs.
2. Become the Vatican's first drug dealer- I think I'd be the first, and I'm guessing I'd be the only. Talk about a cash cow.
3. Take a knife edge chop from Ric Flair- I'd sell the hell out of it too. Like a full flop on the mat.
4. Not travel to Europe- Too cliche
5. Write a children's book- This one, however, would be about how life craps on your face and shows no mercy. They'll thank me later since now they'll have no lofty goals that will ultimately be shot down.
6. Eat a baked potato in Concord, New Hampshire- Why not?
7. Ride a bus all day- Everybody is always going somewhere, I just want someone to have no agenda on a bus.
8. Do my taxes in a strip club
9. Burn a book- Just to see what the big deal is
10. Live life to the fullest

Thoughts and Observations Regarding The End of the NFL Season

Another season gone in the blink of an eye. As I sit back and reflect on the amount of time wasted this fall watching football games, analysis, breakdowns, and predictions, I come to one realization: not one second was wasted. The time spent watching football with friends and family is like Beyonce...irreplaceable. There are few things better than watching grown men beat the piss out of each other for 60 minutes and show their joy with expertly choreographed dance moves. Seriously, I don't know what I'd do without this all day extravaganza known as Sunday. This great tradition however, has improved dramatically for me in recent years. Fantasy football has gotten me involved in ways I never imagined. I am now an owner, general manager, and coach, as well as a more devoted fan. I've been known to curse the TV, sit on the edge of my seat in anticipation, become physically upset, and triumphantly executed a Reggie Bush fist pump in a fit of emotion. However, there is an upsetting vision that I am foreseeing. I firmly believe that by the year 2014, fantasy football will become the number one cause of murder in the United States. It's true. I have heard the threats from fellow fantasiers as I watch games with them. Threats that I believe will one day escalate, and turn true. For example, I have a friend (who will remain nameless for security purposes) who had Adrian Peterson on his fantasy team. As we watched the Vikings games together, we slowly realized that Chester Taylor was getting the ball more than Peterson. This prompted him to say, "I hope Chester breaks his leg, I need 6 more points for a win this week." Similar things to this have been said about other running backs when things aren't going well for fantasier's around the globe. This makes me wonder how far people will go to get a win for the week. Considering how much money goes around in fantasy football pools it seems plausible that murder will come down the road. If some desperate soul has 1,000 dollars riding on a game, what's gonna stop him from drugging a players gatorade, or cutting a player's brakeline. It's a legitimate concern. Fantasy has gotten that big. Will it happen I'm not sure. Is it possible, very.

*Go Giants, I hate Boston fans